Failure is a part of Success
and feeling embarrassed is a choice
While riding my bicycle home, I saw four young men sitting on a bench. They were sitting just outside the Konstanz old city at 10:00 pm on a Saturday. I wondered why young men were sitting outside in the cold, so I asked them. This was the start of an adventure.
Looking for a Party
The boys, who were one year out of high school, told me they were looking for a party. They well cleared the German drinking age of sixteen, so I brought them to a local bar I knew.
On our way, I thought back to when I was their age and feared entering bars because I was somewhere between a boy and a man. Figuring they might be feeling something similar, I announced,
“Boys, Failure is a part of success, and feeling embarrassed is a choice.”
(“Boys, Versagen ist ein Teil des Erfolgs und sich peinlich zu fühlen ist eine Entscheidung”)
Based on the looks on their faces, this advice seemed to resonate with them.
Why do I believe this?
1. Failure is part of success
Say the boys were denied entry to a bar. There are three valuable consequences
Firstly, it is momentum in the right direction. Instead of sitting around on the bench, they at least got closer to the action.
Secondly, It is a reference point that they can reflect on, e.g., How did the other people dress and greet the bouncer? You might think this sounds phony, but we all use social proof to fit in with our environment. For example, would you wear a T-shirt to a wedding?
Thirdly, they will now have experienced their “worst case” scenario and noticed it wasn’t so bad after all. In my experience, that is cause for great optimism.
2. Feeling embarrassed is a choice
Someone might get rejected by a bouncer and feel embarrassed, but I might get rejected and feel thankful for the opportunity to practice acceptance. Now that is a bit of an extreme example, but it shows how our impressions are subjective and within our power to change.
At the Bar
Anyways, We went to the bar and ordered a round of German Pilsner. We had a great conversation ranging from Stoicism to our careers. But then the bartender put on Last Christmas, and hips started swinging from across the room. This was the perfect opportunity to test our principles.
I went over and asked the prettiest woman to dance with me. To my surprise, she complied, and we began to disco trot, quite awkwardly, but I enjoyed it despite my lack of skills. By the smile on her face, she did too.
When I sat back down with the boys, who I couldn’t persuade to get up and dance, I realized I had failed to give the woman my number. So I told the boys my predicament, who pressured me to live up to my own ideals.
Getting Rejected
I paid for our beers and told the boys I’d meet them outside. But when I asked the girl, she grabbed my hand tight, looked me directly in the eyes, and said, “Sorry but I am taken.” (“Est tut mir leid aber ich bin schon vergeben”) In other words, I failed.
I walked outside with a big smile on my face and proudly shared my rejection with the boys. The challenge was simply trying, and I was successful in trying, regardless of the outcome.
I had feared dancing with the girl and had feared giving her my number, but because I decided embarrassment is a choice and failure is a learning opportunity, I could enter the situation with total confidence.
Accept the Frame as a Filter
One of the most significant paradigm shifts for me has been accepting embarrassment as subjective and failure (especially when paired with reflection) as a necessary part of success.
It has allowed me to act more boldly and take on higher risks with potentially high rewards, like starting a YouTube channel.
Speaking of YouTube, last week, I crossed the threshold for YouTube monetization (ad money). This is a small step, but it gives me the confidence I am onto something. Therefore, I will be putting more effort and focus into YouTube in 2022.
The Future of this blog
The tentative plan is to move away from personal stories like this one toward a form of curation with minimal commentary. Perhaps my favorite single piece of content for the week, but I am not entirely sure.
If that does not interest you, you are welcome to unsubscribe, even if you are one of my mother’s friends:) I would understand. Thank you for reading throughout 2021!
Merry Christmas!! -12/23/21