How to Become Socially Confident

The Single Habit that changed everything for me

Anyone can become socially confident.

I believe this because I went from unconfident to massively confident. Mostly, thanks to 1 simple habit. Today, I’m going to share that habit with you.

If you want to feel more confident and improve your people skills, this might be the most exciting thing you read all year.

Here’s why:

In 2014, I was an outcast with acne.

For real, when I started high school, I had zero friends.

My friends from middle school had stopped talking to me and I felt embarrassed that I had no “friend group” like the other kids.

Not only that, all the way through college I was too embarrassed to go to public spaces with girls. I would imagine everyone was listening to me, get awkward, and damage the relationship.

Here’s a direct quote from my girlfriend:

“He was super shy. Whenever I tried to hold his hand in public he would get beet red.”

(Talking about when we met in Munich in 2019 in a podcast we recorded)

2019 Connor — Munich, Germany

Implementing this one habit has helped me overcome my social anxiety, start a business, and make friends on four continents.

It’s a simple habit that I call:

Fear = Do

You probably already understand but here’s how it works:

If I start to feel social anxiety in my mammalian brain, for example before:

• Approaching a beautiful woman

• Asking for someone’s number

• Dancing at a party

Then I MUST do it— There is no negotiating.

Does this mean I’m always successful?

Absolutely not.

And I’ve had my fair share of social blunders with this strategy but that’s the point. It’s shots on goal. The more you do something, the easier it becomes, the more successful you’ll become. And the more successful you become the more confident you’ll become.

It’s a self reinforcing flywheel.

Success Breeds Success

Isn’t it awkward to do things you’re scared of?

At first yes.

But now it’s a habit. And habits are easy to maintain once they’re established. Besides, who says getting rejected by a woman (or anything else) is embarrassing? If I would see a guy get rejected and walk away with his chin up, I would respect him.

The idea that these things are embarrassing is made up, in our heads.

Not Embarrassed

“Choose not to be harmed—and you won't feel harmed. Don't feel harmed—and you haven't been.” — Marcus Aurelius, Emperor of Rome

You can use this to overcome any social fear.

But it has to be 100 percent.

Like my friend, Pete Barron told me in a call last week. If you’re 98% committed, nothing happens.

So here’s your challenge:

Become aware of when you feel social anxiety or when you suppress an action out of fear.

Make a note of it and take baby steps to approach it head on.

Greatness is on the other side.

Have Fun:)

P.S. The first time I wrote about this:

Fear Will Show us the Way (vol. XXXII)