How to have a better life without hurting other people
Win-Win
You probably know someone who takes without giving.
In English, we call them
moochers
freeloaders
parasite, etc
It’s challenging to maintain relationships with moochers, and unfortunately for them, their selfishness comes back to bite them in the long run.
Long Term Games with Long Term People
There is a solution to dealing with moochers, and it’s called tit-for-tat. We’ve talked about tit-for-tat before, but essentially,
“Tit-for-tat is a strategy which, according to game theory, is the most effective choice for iterated(repeated) games based on mutual cooperation or defection”
— The Great Mental Models, Volume 2
To play tit-for-tat, you simply mimic your counterpart. If someone doesn’t play fair, they are shut out of the game.
But cooperation is met with cooperation in a beautiful self-reinforcing cycle.
“…evolution tends to select for cooperative behavior in groups (because) it benefits everyone in the long run.”
This is reciprocal altruism:
“You are more likely to receive help if you have offered assistance in the past.”
It is important to note that the benefits don’t need to be equal for everyone to win.
For example,
Say you gave your starving friend a chunk of meat, and this meat gave him ten hypothetical value points.
One week later, he gives you a blanket on a cool night, which provides you with five hypothetical value points.
You are both better off, even if your friend is more better off.
The important point is that tit-for-tat is only the best strategy in repeated games.
“In games that are not iterated and only consist of a single round, defection(cheating) is thought to be the best strategy.”
That’s why we want to build long-term high-trust relationships in which everyone can win.
For our cynics out there:
“Reciprocity based on self-interest is still reciprocity.”
In that sense, I see little wrong with,
“Do ut des” — “I give, so that you may give.”
Do you?
Bonus Content
If you want to learn more about reciprocal altruism you can check out our last podcast:
It seems to be the case that when everybody gives everybody wins. Reciprocal altruism is a beautiful thing.
“The more people you help, the more people you will have willing to help you.”
P.S. What I’m reading:
https://fs.blog/mental-models/
“You’ve got to have models in your head. And you’ve got to array your experience both vicarious and direct on this latticework of models. You may have noticed students who just try to remember and pound back what is remembered. Well, they fail in school and in life. You’ve got to hang experience on a latticework of models in your head.” — Charlie Munger