How to Read Minds, Part 1
Via Body Language
Last week, I was working at Pumpernickles restaurant in Northport, NY when I saw a middle-aged man sitting like this:
This is what Barbara and Allan Pease, authors of The Definite Book of Body Language, call the European leg cross. Considering it was a German-American restaurant, I went up to him and asked, "Sprechen Sie Deutsch?" To which I received an enthusiastic "Ja."
After correctly identifying a German man via his legs, I realized mastering body language gives us quasi-mind reading power, so the rest of this post will outline what I found most interesting from The Definite Book of Body Language.
mastering body language gives us quasi-mind reading power
Foundational Rules of Reading Body Language:
Read Gestures in clusters
A head scratch can mean, "sweating, uncertainty, dandruff, fleas, forgetfulness, or lying—depending on the other gestures that occur at the same time"
Look for (in)congruence in message
Body language speaks louder than words
For example, Sigmund Freud was once analyzing a woman verbally expressing happiness with her marriage—while slipping her ring on and off. Marriage problems soon developed.
Read Gestures in context
Folded arms could mean the person is defensive or just cold depending on the time and place.
I. The Palms
Open palms:
Open palms indicate nonaggression, submission, and openness
The origins of this may be to demonstrate “I have no weapons”
People who are telling the truth tend to show their palms
When to use open Palms
Speaking before a group
Approaching a stranger
Apologizing
Talking to an aggressive person
Pretty much always
In General: Avoid Hands in Pocket
On my first day working at Pumpernickles, Arty, my boss, reprimanded me with “Getcha hands outta ya pockets” As a junior in high school, I didn’t understand why, but now it makes sense. Hiding our palms suggests a secretive and closed off vibe, which could be off-putting for guests of our restaurant.
Further, the authors write:
“Keeping their hands in their pockets is a favorite ploy of men who don’t want to participate in conversation.”
Positive Feedback Loop
The authors write,
“Interestingly, as the Open-Palm gestures become habitual, the tendency to tell untruths diminishes. Most people find it difficult to lie with their palms exposed because of the law of cause and effect.” (Page 35)
Palm Power Positions
Palm-up is usually preferable to palm down
Extreme version of palm down:
What feelings would an upward-facing palm create here?
II. Handshakes
Three basic messages of a handshake
Dominance:
“He is trying to dominate me. I’d better be cautious.”
Submission:
“I can dominate this person. He’ll do what I want.
Equality:
“I feel comfortable with this person.”
Who dominates who?
The hand on the left is taking control by putting his hand over the other hand.
From the authors,
“Our study of 350 successful senior management executives (89 percent of whom were men) revealed that… 88 percent of males… used the dominant handshake position”
Here the left hand is being submissive with its palm facing upward.
“Giving the person the upper hand”
This may be an effective way to seal an apology.
How to Create Equality
Here the hands are parallel to each other.
“On the same playing field”
Keys to a Good Handshake
“First make sure that yours and the other person’s palms are in the vertical position so that no one is dominant or submissive.”
“Second apply the same pressure you receive”
Photo Left Advantage
“When two leaders stand side by side… the one who stands to the left of the picture is perceived by viewers to have a dominant edge over the other. This is because it is easier to gain the upperhand when they shake, making the one to the left of the photograph appear to be in control.”
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Next Time: Part 2, Smiles and Arms
I love the interpretation of the open palms! Super interesting. Thanks for sharing!
Another great one is in the movie Inglorious Bastards when Major Hellstrom realizes that they're imposters when Hicox throws up the "British" 3-finger signal instead of the "German" 3-finger signal when asking for 3 glasses.