This is part three of a multipart thread on body language. You can find part two here:
We all live in America
Last Sunday, I went to a restaurant in Konstanz, Germany. My table neighbor, Christian, quickly realized I was a foreigner and struck up a conversation with me. After about 5 minutes, he switched to speaking English unannounced and said it was "Hyper-awesome" that I was from Long Island because a character from his favorite sitcom was from there. Does the average American watch German sitcoms or speak to German tourists in German?
America has lead the world order for the last 75 years. Therefore, it has had a dominant influence economically and culturally. American media, films, tv series, and music, are pervasive across the globe. Thus, in the same way English has morphed into the global language, "American" body language is slowly becoming "global" body language, according to the authors. With that said, here are the two of the most common cross-cultural gestures.
Common Cross-Cultural Gestures
the "OK" ring
Originally from America, the ring is almost universally understood to mean ok or good. So, for example, after a waiter shows you a table, you might signal him this.
Thumbs Up
Generally speaking, this means good. However, in some countries, such as Germany, it means one (two would be thumb + index finger) (thank you, Stefanie, for your comment on post 1) and up yours in some places.
Social Proof + Questions — Avoiding Misunderstandings
There are two solutions to adapting to local customs and habits. The first is social proof. For example, if you don't know if you should sit down or wait to be seated at a Biergarten, you could perch yourself across the street and watch what the locals do. Social proof is a good starting point. However, the more convenient and secure solution is to ask questions.
"If you're not sure how to be polite in someone else's culture, ask the locals to show you how things are done" writes the authors.
This is the number one piece of advice I would give someone to avoid cultural misunderstanding. Building on the previous example, last weekend, I went to a Biergarten and didn't know if I should sit or wait to be seated, so I just went up and asked someone who looked like they knew what they were doing.
As a counterexample, the other day, I went for a walk around lake Constance with a Taiwanese woman. When saying goodbye, I was unsure if I should hug her, shake her hand, or bow to her. I went with the first option because that is pretty typical in my culture, but I caught her mid bow and had the feeling the hug made her slightly uncomfortable. In hindsight, the better option was again, just to ask her for her preference.
Asking Questions is our best tool to avoid (cultural) mishaps.
Hands
The hands are important messengers. Her are common hand expressions.
Hand Rub
For example, if your friend tells you he is baking banana bread, you might do this. Context reminder:
“A person who rubs his palms together briskly while standing at a bus terminal on a cold day may not necessarily be doing it because he’s expecting a bus. He does it because his hands are cold.”
Money Fingers
Sales professionals are taught to avoid this signal at all times because of the negative associations about greediness that it carries.
Hand Clench
Studies have shown, hand height and frustration level are positively correlated. Therefore, a person with his hands near his face is likely more frustrated than one with their hands over their stomach.
Steeple
Often used by superiors in interactions with subordinates. It indicates a confident or self-assured attitude. However, it is generally unpersuasive because it can be read as arrogance.
Prayer Hands
An evolution of the steeple.
The Face Platter
The authors describe this as a courtship display for women. However, I believe playful men also do it.
Thumbs
Thumbs are useful tools. They allow us to do many things that other animals cannot. Therefore, thumb displays denote superiority, dominance, and the like.
Prince Charles
Here is Prince Charles flashing us his royal digit.
Confident People
Lastly, consider what type of vibe the man and woman would give off if they hid away their thumbs inside her pockets. Would they still seem as confident?
Conclusion
Thank you for reading part three of “How to Read Minds.” I hope this information is valuable for you. Please leave a comment below if you found something exciting. See you next time for: