This is part two of a thread on reading body language. You can find part one here:
Part Two: Smiles and Arms
Smiles
As you may have guessed, the woman on the left is sporting a fake smile, while the woman on the right is genuinely happy. “Perceptive” people intuitively read the authenticity, often without knowing how. However, according to the Authors,
“A natural smile produces characteristic wrinkles around the eyes—insincere people smile only with their mouth”
Creases around the eyes show a smile’s authenticity.
What does a smile say?
Imagine you are walking down a dark alleyway; who would you rather bump into?
“I am non-threatening.”
Besides showing happiness, smiles display us as “nonthreatening,” as demonstrated by the Putin-Harry contrast.
Smiling can also make us appear submissive and agreeable, which can be counterproductive in a workplace that rewards assertive- and disagreeableness. Thus, someone who rarely smiles, like Putin, comes off as dominant.
Smiling is Contagious
According to a study from Uppsala University in Sweden,
“[The Professor] measured the facial muscle activity on 120 volunteers while they were exposed to pictures of both happy and angry faces. They were told to make frowning, smiling, or expressionless faces in response to what they saw. Sometimes the face they were told to attempt was the opposite of what they saw— meeting a smile with a frown, or a frown with a smile. The results showed they did not have total control over their facial muscles… they were mirroring the expressions they were seeing, even when they were trying not to.”
Therefore, the more smiles you give, the more smiles you get, and because of the law of cause and effect from part one, people will feel happier in your presence.
Smiling is a proven way to become more “likable.”
Common Courtship Smiles
She probably doesn’t like you
A woman will often present this as a rejection signal to a man, but most men do not understand it. Both sexes can also use it outside of courtship.
She might like you.
This is a common courtship signal from women towards men. But, of course, men can do it too.
“The smiler looks juvenile, playful and secretive.”
Smiling Recap:
Smiling says: submission, nonaggression
Smiling is contagious and will make people like you more
A tight-lipped smile, however, indicates a hidden opinion/mood
Arm Signals
Crossed Arms (Bad)
According to the authors,
“When a person has a nervous, negative, or defensive attitude, it’s very likely he will fold his arms firmly on his chest, showing that he feels threatened.”
Uncross your arms
Further, two Psychological tests with thousands of participants indicated students who cross their arms retain less material.
“…but I’m just comfortable.”
This is a common excuse, and it may be true. Crossing your arms will feel comfortable if you are closed off or defensive, but it’s a safe way to present yourself poorly.
According to the author,
“The meaning of the message is also in the receiver, as well as the sender. You may feel “comfortable” with your arms crossed… but studies have shown that others’ reactions to these gestures are negative.”
Test Yourself
Next time you cross your arms, ask yourself, “What happened just before I crossed my arms?” For me, the data were clear; I intuitively cross my arms when people say something I disagree with or when they disagree with me.
Ask yourself: “What happened just before I crossed my arms?”
Keep your arms uncrossed in front of other People
Examples of crossed arms:
Crossed-Arms-on-Chest
This is the most common arm fold and a clear sign of defensiveness or disagreement.
Example: If you say, “Let’s watch a movie tonight!” and your partner verbally agrees yet crosses their arms, it’s safe to assume they don’t want to watch the movie.
It is like putting up a physical barrier between two people and protecting your vital organs.
Fist Clench
Once, I asked a 6-year-old student to stop putting his shirt over his face. But then he entered this position and told me he would eat my feet. Be careful with someone in this position. They are likely hostile and aggressive.
Double Arm Grip
This is a form of “self-hugging.” It is common for anxious air passengers and dentist patients. Someone comforting themselves in this way is likely feeling anxious and negative.
Thumbs Up
This reminds me of a class clown who the teacher just called out. He is defending himself with his armbars, but his thumb display shows his assertive and arrogant nature.
Self Hug
An insecure woman will typically do this when she meets new people. Men with similar feelings will often enter the:
Broken Zipper
It’s like a middle school boy on stage receiving an award for the first time. However, I understand the feeling of, “What do I do with my arms?” Here is a better alternative:
Note: Be careful to keep your hand in your palm and not your arm. If you start holding your arm, it quickly develops into a form of self-hugging.
Spotting Insecurities
When people are feeling insecure, they play with things such as cufflinks, watches, or rings. While you might relish the ability to notice someone’s insecurity, especially someone with high status like the Prince, the more practical application is to become self-aware.
So again, next time you are rubbing your wristwatch or ring, ask yourself: “What happened just before starting fumbling with [X]?” For me, the data were clear again; I touch my wristwatch when walking across a crowded room or entering a restaurant.
“What happened just before I starting fumbling with [X]?”
Arms Recap
Unfold your arms to avoid being perceived as defensive or closed off.
Place your arms behind your back to appear (and feel) more confident.
When people are feeling insecure, they play with jewelry and other accessories.
In Conclusion
A person’s smile and arms reveal much about their intentions and disposition towards you. However, becoming self-aware of our own body language is likely even more helpful. Therefore, developing the habit of noticing your body language triggers leads to deeper self-awareness and better communication. Happy Reading.