I was four years old the first time I told a lie. That morning, My dad sliced me up an apple and instructed me to stay at the table until I finished, excluding the skins. But I didn't want to eat the apple, so I ate a couple of slices and threw the rest into the garbage can. A few minutes later, I heard my name echo from the kitchen into my bedroom. I froze.
Caught red-handed.
I walked into the kitchen and put on my best innocent face. "What's in the garbage can?", dad inquired, "Apple Skins," I replied. I did not plan to lie; it just bubbled right out of me. "You can't tell the difference between the apple and the skins?" pressed dad. I held steadfast to my lie and left the room feigning ignorance. I may have gotten out of trouble for that moment, but back in my room, I was shaken up and overtaken by feelings of guilt.
No more lies
That is my first memory of bending the truth to influence my desired outcome. For the next 15 years or so, I didn't give too much thought about telling lies. I figured it was probably better not to lie, but I might have been willing to take the risk if I could benefit from it with minimal impact on others. However, after discovering Dr. Jordan Peterson's YouTube lectures and books, my attitude has changed.
Before discussing why the truth is always preferable to lies, I will define what I mean by a "lie." To me, a lie is something we say or don't say, which contradicts the way things really are. Therefore, the truth is the way things are.
A lie is something we say or don't say, which contradicts the way things really are.
As I mentioned in my last post, I believe all humans live in their own flawed "realities," so perhaps the best we can hope for is speaking and acting in line with the reality we are living—this is an essential point. You must determine what is true for yourself.
Let's return to the apple incident
If I had told the truth,
My dad probably would have raised his voice and sent me to my room. However, when I lied, I ended up alone in my room anyway, and If I had told the truth, I would have been in my room with a sense of integrity instead of muddling in a puddle of guilt. A guilty person weighs down himself and those around him.
However, my dad would have hopefully gotten the message that I don't want to eat apples. By telling the truth, we can set sustainable long-term arrangements in our relationships. The alternative, living a lie, is an uncomfortable house of cards, which eventually comes crashing down with more force than the initial discomfort of the truth—The children’s book and movie Flipped has a great example of this when Bryce, out of fear of salmonella, throws away Juli’s eggs for months before she finds out.
Lastly, I would have gained my father's respect. In all likelihood, my dad knew I was BSing him with the feigned ignorance. Is there anything more disrespectful than to lie to someone's face? To try to manipulate their worldview away from how things are towards your phony version of reality that fits your immediate needs?
Recap
Reasons not to lie
A guilty conscience is destructive
Further, having to remember and recite multiple versions of reality leads to stress and paranoia.
Lying leads us down unsustainable paths within our relationships
The choice is between moderate initial discomfort of telling the truth and massive delayed pain when the truth inevitably blows up our fake version of reality.
The person you lie to loses respect for you.
One sentence can break a decade of trust.
The truth, the way things really are, shows us where we can improve
Wouldn't you rather know you are overweight so you can fix the problem?
It is what you expect from others towards you.
In Conclusion
Telling the truth is a habit, just like any other. However, once it becomes a conscious part of our mental framework, there is still an adjustment period where our lies become more glaring. Every once in a while, I still say something untrue, and it leaves a funny taste in my mouth, but with a bit of effort and focus, we can all begin to bring our speech closer to the way things really are.
Potential Exceptions
Sometimes when I am feeling playful for example, on a date, I make sarcastic jokes that are blatant untruths. I see little harm in this kind of play.
If the truth will cause unnecessary pain and suffering. Example from my dad: A mother on her death bed, whose daughter has just passed away. Is there a need to tell her?
I like this story.can’t agree more.it reminds me of a sentence:not only a lie is a lie,partly truth is also a lie.