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The Pathless Path Part II
You may remember that I was chasing the default path in part one.
High school → college → respectable job → and so on.
"By a default path, I mean a series of decisions and accomplishments needed to be seen as a successful adult."- Paul Millerd
No Questions asked
Like sixty-six percent of American students, I enrolled in college immediately after high school. Ironically, I didn't even consider any other option.
You see, I was so devoted to the default path that I blindly accepted four years of my life (eventually only three) and tens of thousands of dollars as the only possibility. Chances are you know somebody else playing the same game.
Where does this devotion to the default path come from?
Home for the Holidays
I believe our desire for social acceptance causes us to blindly follow the default path. Here is an example.
Let's say you are a college student back home for the holidays. You run into your childhood best friend's mom, and she asks you, "Hi Sweetie, how are you? What are you up to lately?"
As long as you say, "I'm at college studying economics. Or I'm studying speech pathology, or I'm taking the LSATs for law school." All is well.
Let's call this the Default Path Halo Effect.
The Default Path Halo Effect is the automatic respect and acceptance for people who say, "I am a college student."
But if you were to say, I spent the last year reading lots of books, trying to become a musician, or doing an apprenticeship— basically anything that is not college, you are more like to get patronized.
At least this is what I noticed where I am from; let me know in the comments if you felt the same dynamic.
Perhaps there is good reason for this. After all, college has been a reliable path to a stable career for a few generations. But, our devotion to that path has become extreme.
If you want to live an extraordinary life defined by your own terms, you need to overcome the fear of not meeting societal expectations.
Ray Dalio summarizes this well in his book Principles:
To have a great life:
I. Decide for yourself what to do
II. Have the courage to do it
Let's look at some other problems with the default path halo effect.
College students can be socially acceptable degenerates
It is socially acceptable for college students to be degenerates. In fact, my classmates often used the word as a term of endearment like bro or buddy. They’d say things like:
"You'd love the new guy. He's a total degenerate."
Here is the dictionary definition of degenerate:
"an immoral or corrupt person."
Further, I believe the default path halo effect incentives complacency and laziness. It also allows us to avoid having uncomfortable conversations about designing our future life. You're "on the right path" when you are a college student, so it's ok to party and just chill out.
Can you imagine a blue-collar worker fresh out of high school who partied as much as the average college student? Most people would probably recommend drug or alcohol counseling.
The opposite of being a degenerate is taking responsibility for your life. Something many of us put off until after we graduate.
You start being an adult when you decide to take responsibility for your life. You can do that at any age. - Paul G
Not every college student is acting like a degenerate, but far too many of them are.
"Are you just here to waste your parent's money, too?"
You may remember in part one, I mentioned something was nagging at me while at college. It came from a story my high school physics teacher.
On my last day of high school, my physics teacher, Mr. Guido, told us a cautionary tale about his time at college.
Mr. Guido was top of his class in high school, but he decided to study at Syracuse University for one big reason— the Carrier Dome. So he could go to concerts and have lots of fun.
One day, he met his friend at the dining hall. He told the story about a student he saw passed out in the dorm stairwell. Mr. Guido found this comical and thought his friend would too.
But his friend replied,
"Oh, you are here to waste your parent's money, too."
Guido went back to his dorm room deep in thought. Eventually, he decided to transfer to Cornell and graduate with a 4.0 in the most challenging major, physics. (He got a 3.95 which rounds up to 4, so he decided mission accomplished)
Back to College
We all know college students are famous for drinking a lot. Geneseo was no exception. But being a part of that environment left me with a gut feeling that it wasn't right.
Alcohol was so entrenched in the culture that it was challenging to balance being social and staying sane. That was the second reason why I wanted to transfer to Columbia. To reinvent myself as a non-drinker.
When I tried to stop drinking alcohol, I quickly realized the truth in something Seneca wrote 2,000 years ago:
"Abstinence is easier than Temperance."
And once I stopped drinking, some of my strongest friendships did weaken, but that's a trade-off I am willing to take for my long-term sanity.
Back to Utah
This was where my head was at right before that magical call to adventure in Utah. For now, I will be taking a break from this Pathless Path mini-series, but I will eventually come back to it, perhaps in book form.
Thank you for reading!