Three reasons why leaving home helped me become a man
(why I left Long Island)
In some cultures, children live with their parents until marriage. In others, like the Chinese, three-generational families are "not uncommon."
But, in mine, living at home after high school felt like a failure. So, after packing up for college, I’ve mostly stayed out (barring covid and school holidays).
Here are my reflections on my first years out of the nest.
Disclaimer: It was my choice to leave home, and my parents supported me financially throughout college. Also, I was always welcome back home.
1. Leaving home helps you escape cultural gravity and reinvent yourself
At home, you are someone. Old friends and family know you and have certain expectations of you. While this comes with some benefits:
Love
Trust
Familiarity
It also comes with some drawbacks. You can get frozen in old ways and bad habits.
“You’ve changed”
For example, if you often chug beers with your buddies, they'll be confused if you suddenly stop. Reputation can be friction to your personal evolution.
But when you are on the road or in a new city where no one knows you, those expectations melt away, and you are free to evolve as you see fit.
2. Leaving home challenges you
Home is comfortable.
Mom (or dad) cooks, laundry is done, and the bills are paid. Leaving home shows you how dependent you were for even little things like buying groceries.
You might be thinking,
Well, yeah, mom and dad help me at home, but I can choose to cook for myself or do the laundry, but to that, I would say:
"Necessity is the mother of all inventiveness" — Plato
It's hard to simulate the need to grow up that leaving home gives us.
Why you need a challenge:
And when I reflect on college, the most valuable lessons were from leaving home for the semi-incubated environment and the associated challenges.
Leaving home widens your perspective
Without multiple reference points, it's hard to see things objectively.
For example, my mom came to German high school this week and taught an English class. She was struck by how similar it was to American high school (kids wear NASA shirts), but also by the differences,
no security guards
no name tags
no bulletproof glass
Seeing German high school helped her (and me) see American high school in a new light. Contrast is a powerful tool for understanding.
Listen to our Podcast about leaving home (link below)
Derek, my podcast cohost, also left home at eighteen (for LA). Here we are reflecting on our last few years away from home:
